Week 8???!

Yes! You read that right! I am in my EIGHTH WEEK at the MTC. Whaaaa?! How on earth is that possible? The idea that I may be out in the field in a little over a week JUST hit when I sat down to the computer. I'm starting to panic.

After a big two week lull on visas coming in, THIRTY visas spilled in yesterday. Two elders from my district are flying out on Monday and will be spending a week in the Sao Paulo MTC before heading to their missions. It really hit my entire district night. We're LEAVING. We're going to be in different countries in a week (well most of us).

So we decided to start speaking completely in Portuguese as a district until we leave. I have never felt so unprepared! I can have a great gospel discussion, no problem, but I struggle to just have a day-to-day conversation and get by all the small talk.

But all your encouraging prayers and letters are helping a bit to slow my currently-rapid-heartbeat and calm my shaking fingers.

I've felt pretty prepared the whole time I've been here, until just this second. I'm struggling to know what to say, because my head is spinning, and I feel so out of body.

I've gotten to host new missionaries the last few weeks and it's been great. This week I hosted a sweet sister who was ready to go the minute she arrived. She was ready to get to work, and it was so fun to show her around.

I was telling Sister Steibeigle about her later and how great it was that she was so ready. Sister Steibeigle reminded me of the day I came in. She said I was on FIRE. She said the minute I walked into the room, before they could even tell me what I needed for the day, I headed quickly to the door proclaiming, "I'm ready to go! I can unpack later," and moved with purpose toward all that awaited me.

I remembered that. I remember asking Sister Witmer to only speak Portuguese to me from the minute I got here. I remember hardly even giving a goodbye at the car when I left, because I was READY. I remember speedily grabbing my bags, not looking back, and heading off to work. I never got home sick. I never felt lonely. I was happy, I was READY, and I was WORKING. By the end of the week, the elders in the districts that arrived one or two weeks before me all proclaimed how much better my Portuguese was than theirs.

And now, as I reach the two month mark, as I see members of my district leaving, as the reality of what I am about to embark in is setting in, for the very first time I feel scared.

I feel scared. I feel unprepared. I feel panicked. I feel alone. I wonder where the time has gone and what I have done with it.

I know I can't do this alone. Being a solo sister has been really good for me. It's been difficult at times not to have anyone to talk to, but it's taught me a lot about how to rely on the Lord. It's been different not to have friends to turn to when days are hard, but I've gained so much strength as I've turned to Christ to help get me through.

I know by small and simple things, great things are brought to pass. And now, more than ever, I feel small, simple, and weak. I know as I turn my life to the Lord, and as I work with diligence, that he can help me accomplish great things. I need to rely him, I need him every hour, I need him every minute. There's no way I can do the things he needs me to on my own.

My time is up unfortunately.

I love you all very much. Have a WONDERFUL Christmas. I hope this didn't bring down the holiday spirit. :)

Love you lots,
Sister Rachel Smith